What I’d Watch 6/3/16


This weekend has me really cranky, in no small part because of how the holiday Monday crunched five days of work into four.  But it’s also because we’ve hit the one weekend for the foreseeable future that contains absolutely no movies I really want to see.  Just a complete and total pass all around.  And now I’ve got to sit here and talk about them.

mv5bmtq2nje4nde2nv5bml5banbnxkftztgwotcwnde5nze-_v1_uy222_cr00150222_alAlthough it should be emphasized that my objections to Me Before You stem from much more concrete reasons than mere peevishness.  This is a movie that has at its very core the idea that a person in a wheelchair needs someone or something to convince them that life is worth living.  An idea it ultimately craps on when said person kills themselves to free their partner to live the kind of life they want.  It’s the kind of maudlin, sentimental crap that would have flown twenty or thirty years ago when all we asked of disabled people was to be quiet and noble and inspiring, not actual vibrant human beings.  The film has caught all kinds of hell I’m sure they didn’t expect, and while I feel a little bad for the two leads — it’s not like the wrote the script or the book it’s based on — somebody should have sent up a warning flare before they signed on.

mv5bmjmxmzk2odi4n15bml5banbnxkftztgwnzgznzq5ode-_v1_uy222_cr00150222_alI’ve heard the words “this generation’s Spinal Tap” bandied about in regards to Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping, which really doesn’t seem fair.  Those are almost impossible shoes to fill.  And it sort of sets me against this film from the get-go, daring to be compared to one of my adolescent cinematic touchstones.  It doesn’t help that I have never been all that enamored with the Lonely Island crew; just way too much dude-bro “Hey look at us, we’re saying outrageous things!” type comedy for my tastes.  So I’m clearly nowhere near the audience for this movie.  And I’m just as certain it won’t miss me one bit.

mv5bmjm4ndq0ntyymv5bml5banbnxkftztgwntixmjy3ode-_v1_uy222_cr00150222_alSo you’d think me being the comic geek that I am would be all about a new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie, but here’s the thing:  I was never all that into them.  I like the idea of them, and I enjoyed the first few comics I read and the occasional episode or two of the original cartoon.  But so much of what came after the comics lost sight of the fact that the Turtles started off as a very specific spoof of a very specific era in comics, when X-Men and Frank Miller seemed to rule everything.  And I have a hard time reconciling that conception of them with the cowabunga dudes they eventually morphed into.  Still, out of the three releases this weekend, Out of the Shadows is the one I’d probably see if put to it; word is it’s a marked improvement from the previous film.  Not that I saw that one to be able to tell the difference.

Now you kids get the hell off my lawn!

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