Make Spam Great Again

downloadIt’s been a while since I looked at the spam folder on my Comments page.  Let’s see what the bots have been up to.

First, dice Game Craps — and I really hope “Craps” is a noun there and not a verb — chimes in with this bit of fortune cookie prose:

helpful circumstances you are able to point inside this particular article

This is another fantastic write-up concerning a similar topic as
your own website

Okay, so setting aside that you’re basically back-handedly complimenting my site as way of shilling yours, just how exactly am I able to point inside a particular article post?  I mean, yeah, I write really good article posts, but if I could somehow point inside them, that would take this blog to a whole other level.

Then there’s the ever persistent SEO.  They really want me to upgrade my search engine optimization, because as we all know, I’m in this for oodles of cash and fame that comes with being the top Google search result for “middle aged guy blogging way to much about Star Wars and board games.”  What kills me is this part:

On-Page SEO means more now than ever since the new Google update: Panda.

See, I’ve been getting this exact same message — and I mean word for word — from various spam bots for years now.  I’m talking from back in the Some Damn Fool Idealistic Crusade days.  And yet somehow Google has been stuck on this one update all that time.  Come on, if you’re going to waste my time, the least you can do is spend some of yours to stay current.

Finally, we have Natalie.  Oh sweet Natalie.  Who seems so very concerned about my well-being:

Do you need your website to be successful to maintain your way of life?

No, actually, I’m maintaining my way of life with my blog stumbling along in its current state, thank you very much.  It’s actually more reflective of my current way of life as it is:  long, rambling rants punctuated by periods of random silence and inactivity.  But Natalie presses on:

All the popular websites are using this service to boost their traffic and ad revenue! Why aren’t you?

Um, because I’m not a popular website and thank you so much for casting that into such sharp focus with your good-natured yet hurtful reminder that I’m not.  I’m sorry, Natalie, but it’s over.

Unless you can show me how to do that pointing inside my article posts thing.


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