There’s nothing quite like the creeping sense of dread you get as the hour gets later and later and sleep just refuses to come. The amount of time you have to sleep gets smaller, which makes you anxious about how tired you’ll be after you do sleep, which keeps you awake longer, and then you’re in the death spiral.
It doesn’t help that I need noise to fall asleep, and yet sometimes I can’t help but concentrate on whatever noise there is, which keeps me awake. So last night, “Oh cool, I’ll fall asleep watching The Great Escape” turned into “I’d damn well better fall asleep watching Braveheart,” and then it was 2 AM and I eventually found something boring enough to put me to sleep. I’ve tried white noise generators and various sleep sound apps, but the problem with those is that they’re too repetitive. I get caught up in the cycle, which keeps my brain running, and that isn’t exactly an invitation for the Sandman.
I think part of it might be my subconscious fear of getting older. I don’t know how many years I have left, so I don’t want to waste time being unconscious when there are late night showings of movies I’ve already seen to keep me up all night. Fortunately, nights like last night aren’t all that frequent. And I can actually manage to get through a day with four hours of sleep or so. Maybe not at the top of my game, but I’m not the Walking Dead either.
At least not until right about now. Good night.