A Real Pain in the Ass


ass-painGenerally, this whole losing weight thing has been great.  I’m not all breathy and wheezy all the time, I can actually sleep on my back, and I can go near bodies of water without Greenpeace showing up trying to rescue me.  Not that it’s been entirely without its annoyances.  I’ve had to go through two different rounds of buying new clothes, and in order to stay this way, a lot of old favorite foods have gone out the window.  But one of the biggest adjustments has been that I really don’t have much of an ass anymore.

Yes, this post is going to talk about my butt.  You’ve been warned.

You really kind of take your buttocks for granted.  I mean, they’re mostly just there for sitting on and for the odd medical injection or two.  Other than that, you’re really not thinking about them.  But once mine started to be not quite so ample, I noticed I was sitting differently.  Flatter.  Not quite as cushioned.  Not uncomfortable, just not what I was used to.

Well, it would seem that I missed that extra padding, because recently I’ve noticed that my tailbone hurts when I stand up.  My sitting posture isn’t the greatest and probably has a lot to do with putting extra weight on the area, but I wasn’t sitting like an Emily Post student when I was fat and didn’t have any problems.  Sitting down I’m fine, laying down I’m fine, walking and running I’m fine.  It’s just that brief moment between sitting and standing when there’s pressure on that area where my coccyx says, “Hey, I’m still down here!”  I purchased one of those donut hole cushions, and it helps.  If I remember to sit in it correctly, that is.  But before long I’m leaning back and slouching and hey, there’s my skeleton being a jerk again.

Now I can already hear the chorus of, “Go to the doctor, stupid!”  And yeah, I know.  But it’s my butt.  I’m not proud of the thing on my best days.  I’m really in no hurry to make even a trained medical professional have to deal with it.  If it was constant searing pain or some sort of deformity, you bet I’d be in there in a heartbeat.  But it’s something I bring on myself by being a lazy slob in a poorly supported chair.  It’s probably my body’s way of saying, “Look dumbass, that message board hasn’t updated in the five minutes since you last checked it, go outside and look at a tree or something!”  If I’m still feeling this a month from now, then I’ll get it looked at.  Until then, bullet dodged, Dr. Asbury.

Which is a really funny name in light of the situation.

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