Looking for Goldilocks


If there’s anything we Floridians prize highly, above home and family and even the very air we breathe, it’s our air conditioning.  Whether it’s central air, the AC in our cars or some box rattling away in the window, our air conditioning is practically a food group, the stuff of life itself.

Except when it’s trying to kill you like the one in my office is right now.

The saga goes back to Florida’s annual two weeks of winter a few months ago.  We all knew it was cold outside, but our AC didn’t.  It would ignore temperatures dipping into the 30s overnight and remain convinced that it was battling a heat wave of epic proportions.  Meaning we’d come in and find our building nicely chilled to Beer Section at Publix.  Which is great if you’re spending a few minutes picking out a six-pack, not so much when you’re at a desk in it for eight hours.  Our frozen cries for help were heard, fixes were planned, and for the time being, the blowers were shut down so we’d be alive to see said fixes.

Then along came spring.  When Florida often mistakes for summer and lets loose with temps in the mid-80s.  But the fixes hadn’t been finished yet, and now we were all too hot.  Like, um, Parking Lot Asphalt at Publix, if I were to really stretch things.  Our humid cries for help were heard, and the blowers were turned back on.

And boy did they miss us.  They’ve been steadily making up for lost time, our own little Polar Vortex.  We’ve time traveled back to winter, and we’re reluctant to say anything about it lest we be seen as the boy who cried, “It’s too cold!” and they just tear the roof off the place and leave us to the whims of nature until we can make up our minds what we want to complain about.

Until then, we’ll bundle up and think warm thoughts, and hope our AC system has a Baby Bear setting that is just right.  Which would be Snacks and Chips Aisle at Publix on that scale, if anyone was curious.

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