What I’d Watch 3/20/15


Spring has sprung, and with it springs three new releases offering God, guns and girls.  With guns.  Sorry God, no guns for you, it seems.

Although it would take more than a few good gunfights to get me interested in Do You Believe?  No, I don’t.  There goes any need for me to see this.  But these low-budget (as far as actual cost, not necessarily quality) definitely find their audience.  Or, more accurately, their audience finds them; you’ll see churches and youth groups busing people in for films like this.  Not enough to let it challenge for the top spot, but enough that films like this will keep getting made.  They’re sort of like Tyler Perry films for Christians:  they know their audience, they’re not overly concerned with appealing to anybody else, and they’re inexpensive enough that that audience can sustain them.  They just have fewer instances of men in drag is all.

I’m not sure opening The Gunman, Sean Penn’s effort to make people think he’s Liam Neeson, one week after an actual Neeson action film was a wise idea.  If people aren’t turning out for the genuine established article in Run All Night — and just south of $14 million domestic in six days says they aren’t — I can’t see Penn doing any better as the imitation.  It didn’t cost a whole lot, so it won’t be a disaster, but look at the poster.  Even Penn doesn’t want to be seen looking at this.  It’ll probably be a decent Redbox pickup in a couple of months, but not something that’ll put butts in the seats now that nature seems to be turning off the AC.

Divergent really wanted to be The Hunger Games, but it couldn’t even gross more than the first Twilight movie.  But it broke $150 million domestic, made a modest profit, and did well on video, so here comes The Divergent Series: Insurgent.  Part of me hopes this does well so we can have a third movie called Detergent where it’s just two hours of them making their clothes brighter.  But alas, the last book is called Allegiant, so if this gets that far, so much for my dreams.  If they made the second one, making the third one seems a given at this point, but Lionsgate really has to be hoping Insurgent improves on Divergent‘s box office so the trilogy doesn’t limp to a conclusion.  It’s going to be tough though; Cinderella isn’t going anywhere, and that’s likely to keep the female young adult audience tied up.

So come to think of it, I do believe.  I believe I won’t be seeing any of these this weekend.

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