Slim to None


I’m reaching a point in my weight loss where I really need to get some new clothes.  I stumbled over a stash of khakis and jeans I’d boxed up when they no longer fit me and was pleased to discover they now do, so that takes care of pants for a while.  But the shirt situation is rapidly approaching dire.  T-shirts aren’t a problem, but I’m growing desperate for shirts to wear to work; the old XXLs practically drown me now.  However, it seems that every clothing store I go to has decided I’m not allowed to find shirts that simply fit.

No, everything I find is either slim fit or tailored fit or athletic fit or some kind of fit other than just, “Hey, here’s the size you’re looking for.”  Maybe it’s the hip thing right now, but some of us don’t want to wear clothes that look like they have to be peeled off of us when we undress at night.  Not all of us are stick figures who want to accentuate our stickiness.  I’m not asking for a tent, but something that fits comfortably would be nice.  So I have to look for size XL in one style, L in another, and some I have to just skip altogether unless I want to look like an overstuffed sausage. It’s ridiculous.

Of course, I don’t have it half as bad as women do.  Their sizes seem to vary from store to store and even day to day. And they’re not even helpfully labelled like Small or Medium.  It’s all numbers where 8 might be Medium here, but Large there, and really, what does 8 tell me about how big the damn thing actually is?  Sort of how most women I know can tell you all about crimson and scarlet and burgundy but for us guys, it’s all just red.

But something needs to be done with my wardrobe or I’m going to look like an extra from Lawrence of Arabia soon. Which I doubt is going to be in fashion any time soon, and even if it is, I doubt it would be work appropriate.  We don’t allow business Bedouin nomad here.  Besides, I’d probably only be able to find slim fit burnouses anyway.

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