March 11, 2014 Leave a comment
It’s been a while since I’ve trawled through my blog comments for a cheap and easy way to get a post up spam, and my loyal bots have been busy. 19 pages of the stuff since February, although much of it shows an appalling lack of imagination; most of it is simply strings of random sentences interspersed with random links. Infinite monkeys could do better. But there are a few bright spots to be found, enough to kill some time on an idle Tuesday.
First, there’s something comforting about that fact that I’m still getting messages urging me to update my on-page search engine optimization in the wake of the new Google update Panda. Which came out in 2011. Nice to know the spammers are keeping up with the times. I should probably look into getting my blog ready for this Windows Vista thing I keep hearing about while I’m at it.
And I suppose I should be flattered by the number of spammers who assume I can read Japanese or Chinese or whatever collection of kanji it is that keeps appearing. Then again, I have no idea what any of it says, so they could be casting aspersions on my writing skills or ancestry or posture or whatever. I somehow doubt it’s got anything to do with pandas though.
Then, there’s the incredibly sincere-sounding poster named Children’s Bicycle Trailer:
Hey I know this is offf topi butt I was wandering if you knew of any widgets I could add to my bloog…
Yes, “widget” is the word they somehow managed to get right. Although I do wonder if “offf topi butt” isn’t actually a mangling of “off topic but” but instead some sort of hip new adjective of which I am not aware. Are kids running around saying, “That thing? Oh, that’s totally offf topi butt.”? I’d have no way of knowing. Maybe I should thank Children’s Bicycle Trailer for keeping me up on the lingo.
Next, we’ve got the lazy bastards who can’t even be bothered to come up with clever user names. Chanel? Nike Air Jordan? Come on. Step it up. Make an effort to lure me in. Not that they don’t have their moments of near poetry; Scarpe Burberry implores:
then please earnest love only me in the feelings
Which, honestly, is the best offer I’ve had in months, even if my name isn’t Earnest. But for every one like that, there’s something like this one from Call of Duty Black Ops 2 Zombies:
Call Of duty black ops 2 zombies
Don’t waste my time. This is why I’m much more likely to at least glance at a post from something like, let me see … oh, here we go:
No, seriously. Here’s a post from a Prostate Cancer:
That is really attention-grabbing, You are an overly professional blogger. I have joined your feed and look forward to in search of more of your wonderful post. Also, I’ve shared your web site in my social networks.
So, on the one hand, great, I’ve got prostate cancer. But on the other, hey, it reads my blog! I’m just curious as to who — or what — exactly would be in prostate cancer’s social network. And what that means for my health.
But finally, Polish Songs steps up with a question for our times:
how can i make a custom karaoke cd online?
If we knew the answer to that, we’d be closer to a solution to the crisis in Crimea.